Change and yearly reflections

Today in my creative writing class we did an exercise on school lunches, and what we remembered from them: I ended up writing 5 minutes worth of a really dramatic retelling of a bad lunch experience: what would you write?
     In my memory the room is always in shadows, the only light at the doorways where the teachers stood. The huge windows behind and around us were double plated, extra safety in a bad neighborhood. They didn't care that it cut out the light or that is brought out the worst in us. It was soon after I had grown to despise the company of my peers, where every bit of attention brought danger or sadness. So I thought I was prepared, properly guarded against the words they would throw my way. "Are you a..." she asked me, her friends, my ex-friends, covering their giggles and smirks to hear my reply. I knew it was a double-edged sword she presented to me, but with a fifth graders mind I only knew that I wanted her to think I knew what she meant. "No" I answered, defiant to the last.Their laughs were so loud, mocking, gleeful. Even when someone asked if I knew what the word meant I still stood against their mockery. "Yes." I lied.

Anyway....

So I found an old piece of writing of mine today:

2/1/2010

When people say they know me and they obviously don't, it only makes me despise them more.
When they can look at my character and guess what I may be like it only makes me hate them for studying me. But when they are wrong-when so many people tell me otherwise and like me for the way I am,truly like me- then I can only cry because how can they not see what others see. How can they not understand the real me when they can pick off the little things?
And how is it right in anyway to judge a person on their actions when they are confused, or when they are experimenting with things they might like to do with their life. How is that right?

How can someone say to me one minute that I am a hard worker and have a good work ethic, and then tell me in the next that I am flighty and self-absorbed?

I wish that this person wasn't right in any of these things, but I know the impression I left on these people and she's right about this. But its only an impression. Can't they see that? Its just a first impression. They need to actually speak to a person, know a person.

And I find it funny that before I ran across this, I was writing another piece about Change, and changing things within yourself earlier today. 

I wonder if I just happen to make these reflections of human nature and my own life at the same time every year :P 

Take care!!