Deeper and deeper

There are so many feelings going through me right now but deeper than all is the regret and sorrow I feel for one of my friends. She tries so hard all the time, and I know how hard it is to keep fighting as she does, and every time she fails it makes me want to cry with her.
I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time and I wish I could be where I need to be all the time, but that's never going to happen but that doesn't mean I still don't wish it.

I'm gonna go work on a homework assignment now...

Another day here

So just finished my second day with lots of frustration but still some good points. Idk why but I actually adjusted to this conference pretty quick and am sad there are only two days more of this...
What does that say about me- cause I bet its not the politics I like- though its just as likely the politics as the calm manner that we discuss and present facts instead of arguing them.
So far its good... :)

WAY over my head

So this was my post this morning on faebook: 


Harvard United Nations Model U.N- First Reaction- "Holy-! Way too many people!" Later reaction at session that night- "So not prepared for this." Later later that night "Such a comfy bed....zzzz..." First day at Model UN XD ps not direct quotes :P

I am definitely not prepared for this, at all. Not the amount of people, not the amount of information I am not sure on, not even what we're supposed to be doing. I did all the research, wrote the position paper, but that still doesn't mean I can find someway to insert myself into these discussions and debates. At the least I can follow whats going on and know what we're discussing, but when it comes down to actually taking a chance and speaking it just isn't going to happen. My committee has 115 ish people, and its not even one of the large ones! 

: O

There are 3000 delegates here! And I think a few people I met last spring in Washington, but I can't be sure since none of them are in my session. I did meet a cool girl from Canada, and another guy representing Israel, and a girl named Jocelyn, but for the most part its difficult to start up conversations that don't just include your country name and the committee the person isn't interested in. Oh well, not like I like to talk to people too much anyway....

On the whole, this is a god experience, and I would probably do it again, but I'm definitely going to be more prepared and bring meals since they don't even offer them and I'll have to buy them all weekend :O Dude there goes my wallet, lol. 

Hope you guys are doing well!

<3

Ours... this summer

For some reason I really like this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ux2k07ToaRA

Actually most things by Taylor Swift I like.
It may be the message under that no matter what, when two people connect, as long as they can be strong in their love they can face anything people say.

I've been on a search lately for good thought invoking music.
I've also been working hard on my writing with my creative writing class.
And applying for summer jobs ; ) I bet you guys can't guess what I want to do for the summer >__<

A thought has struck

A thought has struck me that I must try and share and articulate:

We fall into categories of thinking, many different kinds, but I believe this is one:
1. We become fascinated with the things around us out of reach such as the sky, or outer space.
2. We focus within ourselves studying how the body works and what keeps us moving or the little particles that can destroy us. We could even focus on inside other creatures of things such as computers.
3. Or we focus on whats in front of us, the problems right now such as crime right here between neighbor and neighbor, running a business to support people so they have their daily needs, making food to support our bodies.


But there is also the difference of past present and future:
1. We study the past, intent on learning how we used to live, or study the development of humans over the years.
2. We study new and emerging technologies or laws to focus on how they will change and what we need to prepare for the future. (I believe this category includes politics)
3. Or, we focus on now, on new life being born, sicknesses and hospitalized people today, todays generations of students, ect.

Of course these could overlap but I think in general we have a certain focus of our mind and depending on this focus depends on where our studies take us in life.

Change and yearly reflections

Today in my creative writing class we did an exercise on school lunches, and what we remembered from them: I ended up writing 5 minutes worth of a really dramatic retelling of a bad lunch experience: what would you write?
     In my memory the room is always in shadows, the only light at the doorways where the teachers stood. The huge windows behind and around us were double plated, extra safety in a bad neighborhood. They didn't care that it cut out the light or that is brought out the worst in us. It was soon after I had grown to despise the company of my peers, where every bit of attention brought danger or sadness. So I thought I was prepared, properly guarded against the words they would throw my way. "Are you a..." she asked me, her friends, my ex-friends, covering their giggles and smirks to hear my reply. I knew it was a double-edged sword she presented to me, but with a fifth graders mind I only knew that I wanted her to think I knew what she meant. "No" I answered, defiant to the last.Their laughs were so loud, mocking, gleeful. Even when someone asked if I knew what the word meant I still stood against their mockery. "Yes." I lied.

Anyway....

So I found an old piece of writing of mine today:

2/1/2010

When people say they know me and they obviously don't, it only makes me despise them more.
When they can look at my character and guess what I may be like it only makes me hate them for studying me. But when they are wrong-when so many people tell me otherwise and like me for the way I am,truly like me- then I can only cry because how can they not see what others see. How can they not understand the real me when they can pick off the little things?
And how is it right in anyway to judge a person on their actions when they are confused, or when they are experimenting with things they might like to do with their life. How is that right?

How can someone say to me one minute that I am a hard worker and have a good work ethic, and then tell me in the next that I am flighty and self-absorbed?

I wish that this person wasn't right in any of these things, but I know the impression I left on these people and she's right about this. But its only an impression. Can't they see that? Its just a first impression. They need to actually speak to a person, know a person.

And I find it funny that before I ran across this, I was writing another piece about Change, and changing things within yourself earlier today. 

I wonder if I just happen to make these reflections of human nature and my own life at the same time every year :P 

Take care!!

Success!!

I'm really happy to say that I feel good about my group here at school. Everything is falling into place and we're having fun together, it makes me feel great to sit back and know that starting my group was a good idea. I mean its hard work, very hard, especially working with people I've known for so short a time but having authority over them in the fact that I lead this club. Its hard to rein myself in. But I do and so far it feels good, working on this, writing my own performance piece. : )
We perform next week and even though I am nervous for myself and everyone already I'm wicked excited too!

Talking about excited I get to go overseas next month!! And I should be in Boston in two weeks- this semester is so full of events and crazy times!
Not to mentions lots of homework, but it feels good to actually be studying because the material is hard enough to have to study.

I still can't believe my semester has already been going on for three weeks, can you guys?

Hey here's a question- should we still make sure to post on our specific dates?

For now I'll let this be my post, but maybe I'll add more later : )

Take care!

popcorn and euphemisms

My first post of a new blog in a new age in a new - ah I'm out of new's :P
This will be my blog of rambling and sharing, deep thoughts that go awry and make no sense, and fun times.
: )

First a great shout out to my siblings who chose my blog title, and to whom I say;

"i don't even know really what a euphemism is
But I just googled it and i think I should 
make this blog about making titles work
XD
I feel like rambling all the time can be 
equal to the crazy popping of popcorn..."

lol, welcome to my life :D